THE MEAT OFF

Just so you all know I am starting to feel sick even thinking about the MEAT OFF, so I hope this post is worth it. (Update: okay so I have just brushed my teeth and I feel better already as instead of the taste of meat juice I have some minty freshness) So without trying to sound too cocky I will tell you all a story of the BEST day of my life (okay maybe not the best day of my whole life, but it was pretty up the there, apart from the whole feeling sick, fullness and meat sweats).

So about 4 weeks ago, a missionary told me of a chicken nugget competition he took part in, he told me he ate 84. I scoffed and told him I could eat way more than that (that is post gluten free though). One thing led to another and somehow we challenged each other to a meat off. With a lot of banter leading up to the competition and the school I work at divided into Team Alex and Team Holly, the day finally came. I was a bag of nerves the whole day and with just two bowls of cereal eaten all day I was starting to get pretty hungry.

We all met at the restaurant which has a meal you can get called “all you can eat meat” The competition rules were as follows:

1)   2 hours of non-stop meat eating

2)   At the 2 hour mark, you were allowed time to finish your plate

3)   If both opponents ate their plates it went to a tie

4)   The tie breaker would be a speed contest on who could eat a plate of chips in the fastest team.

5)   A toilet break was permitted on the terms that a chaperone took you

6)   If you were sick you were automatically disqualified

The whole community came out to support us and we had our friend Brian as M.C – he was great and got the whole crowd excited. We then came out with our entourages and everyone cheered us on. We then shook hands and the meat was brought out.

First, I had a beautiful plate of tender beef, pork sausages and pieces of chicken, I cleared my plate in record time and was thinking that this competition was going to be a breeze. Oh how wrong I would be.

So I had finished that plate but within less than a minute my plate was piled high with beef (but oh my, the most chewy fatty beef ever, and we had to eat the fat that should have gone on the rule bit, sorry).

I think I got pretty out of it at some point because I cant even remember the order of the meat, but at some point there was even goat (I mean I’ve never even tried goat meat before). Amongst the fact I was feeling sick, I remember the goat actually tasted pretty good. The spare ribs were the worst, with the ratio of fat to meat, the fat definitely hands down won that one. I remember having a piece of fat in my mouth for about 5 minutes, so gross!

At one point I looked over to Alex and he wasn’t looking good (to be honest I was thinking YEY he might give up). He turned me and was actually sweet and told me he was very impressed and surprised that I was still going. Bearing in mind this was after an hour and a half of non-stop meat munching.

It was starting to take its toll on me, and the meat sweats had come (yuck). I had my supporters giving me back rubs, getting me water, encouraging me - it was so great. At one point I felt like I couldn’t possibly go any more. But then I had a Bruce Bogtrooter moment (Matilda). And I took my fatty piece of chicken and demolished it with all my friends cheering me on, I felt like I was in a film or something!

I looked at my plate which had few pieces of fat and chewy beef left and then at Alex’s who still had a while to go to catch up. I felt pretty good. Not judging by this picture though.

The next thing I know someone is shouting for a plastic bag for Alex, its all a bit hazy - I wasn’t sure what was going on. I quickly glance at Alex and see that he is throwing up (he gagged on a piece of fat, and it was all downhill from there for him), it took a second to register what was happening until people started cheering my name. I’D WON!! I actually won! The first thing I did was spit out the piece of beef I’d been working on for the last few minutes and the next few minutes were a blur of congratulations, cheers and high fives.

It was such an incredible feeling, especially to prove to the people who thought I would lose, as some people may not realise how much this girl can eat!

So just remember everyone, don’t challenge Holly… you will be disappointed!