Choices

I reread my first blog post, and it really encouraged me. (Not to blow my own trumpet or anything: p) but it reminded me of the choice I made. I choose to LIVE my life, I choose to serve God and I choose to live a life that I would look back on and smile at.

I feel that this journey I have encountered on so far has been one of challenges, loneliness, learning more about who I am and experiencing new and exciting things.

I have learnt a lot about making the right choices recently. You have a choice weather you are sad, weather you are mad or weather you are glad (Pastor Show) you have to wake up and choose to me glad, because you are only ruining it for yourself if you are down or depressed. Yes, circumstances and difficulties are apparent and everyone has problems but you are letting the enemy win if you choose to dwell in these negative thoughts and feelings. Choose to be happy, to look at all the positives in your life. By all means I am not saying it is easy, personally I find it far from it, choosing to not listen to those little niggling lies in your head, that your rubbish, your life isn’t going anywhere, you’re not good enough and nobody likes you. 

I think back to my mum’s sermon on not listening to the lies that are in your head. She talked about Super Nanny the way that the parents would have to sit the child on the naughty step and when the child got up the parent would have to take the child back. This could sometimes happen for over an hour the first time it was tried. Every time the child would run off the naughty step, the parent would have to drag them back until they stayed sat down. Many parents would give up and describe how difficult it was, but the parents that didn’t give up later would describe how eventually the child would stay sat on the naughty step the whole time and with time would behave better. This is what we need to practice when we hear that niggling lie, that negative thought which makes us feel crap and worthless. We have to take that lie or thought to the naughty step, it may crop up again during the day but you gotta drag it right back over and over again. Eventually those lies will start to fade out, realising that they will just get put on the naughty step and realise there is no use or gain for there existence any more.

 

So back on track, that is what I have been practicing, it is easy to get in that mindset of I am worthless, nobody likes me and I am not good enough. But that is my choice to feel that way, it can be hard at times, but I have to make the choice to think I am worth something, some people do like me and I can be good enough. Don’t get me wrong no one is going to stop you from feeling that way, you can go through life feeling sorry for yourself, sulking in self pity and where will that leave you. Will you lead a happy life that you will look back on with a smile? Will you live the life you use to dream about? If not make the choice to change. Now!

This time last year my sister was in an eating disorder mental hospital ward for the 4^th time, barley 5 stones her life seemed doomed and recovery seemed like another mountain just too hard to climb. To see someone you love so much detiorate in front of your eyes, somebody so beautiful hurt themselves to a close death, somebody with so much potential locked up in hospital was horrendous. 

Like so many who suffer with eating disorders they sadly pass away, this was the path Harriett was on, with her organs shutting down, passing out and having no real control over her body. Unfortunately there was a rainy lonely afternoon when Harriett was ready to end it all. She had made up her mind and decided life was too hard with this illness over her. Something inside her decided to (at the last moment) call out desperately to God and at that moment there was a change inside her. Determination, love and a purpose for living filled her spirit and she made the choice to put her all into getting on the road to recovery. I couldn’t be prouder of my sister; the last 6 years have been tiring, dark, painful, frustrating and heart breaking to say the least. I look at her now, still recovering, but happy in whom she is, an amazing walk with god and doing what a 20 year old should be doing, enjoying life. So when you think your life is hard, depressing or not going anywhere, look at the choice Harriett made. Wherever you are in life there is always a choice to make. Make the right one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE55pRT991c&feature=share&list=ULuE55pRT991c